Dickie Z's Monday Afternoon Quarterback

Tampa Bay Bucs 23, Killadelphia Eagles 21
The city of Killadelphia really has had a rough couple of decades with their pro sports teams. ( Yes, with the huge increase of murders in Philly, I am officially crowning it Killadelphia, or if you are from there, you may also call it “The Killadelph” ). While I hate the Killadelphia Eagles with the white hot intensity of a billion brilliant suns, I can readily admit that their 3 losses so far this season are among some of the most brutal I can remember and for that, Eagles fans have my sympathy.

Dickie Z Quickie:
A 62 yard field goal by Matt Bryant of the Bucs to close out the Eagles
comeback. Are you kidding me? In the 5+ years this guy has played
professionally, he’s only hit 2 other 50+ yard field goals and they were both
last year. When he played with the Giants, he couldn’t hit the broad side
of a barn from 30 yards, with the wind, AND a steel plate in his shoe.
This guy is roided up. Somebody needs to take blood and urine from him,
stat. I just flat out refuse to believe that a football can travel 60+
yards off the foot of a crappy kicker in 90 degree heat with 4000% humidity in
Florida.

The collapse against my beloved NY Giants, the collapse against the New Orleans
Saints and the… errr… collapse-after-great-comeback yesterday against the Tampa
Bay Bucs can all be attributed to two things:

a) Poor discipline leading to terrible penalties at game-changing moments.
b) Poor clock management

Several unsportsmanlike conduct penalties in those games in the fourth quarter have enabled the winning teams to move down the field with ease. You just can’t do that and come away with a win. I’ve always maintained that the Eagles are punks and hooligans and this only proves me right. Andy Reid needs to get that under control. He also needs to control the clock better. It’s a foregone conclusion that the Eagles will have used up their timeouts for the game about 3 minutes into the first quarter.

Dickie Z Quickie:
There may need to be a Man Law created soon on how many times a player can puke on TV before being labeled a wuss. I’m looking at you McNabb. I’m thinking one time in the Super Bowl was enough. Burt? Jerome? What say you? Man Law?

Atlanta Falcons 41, Pittsburgh Steelers 38
Ben Roethlisberger may actually be the dumbest NFL player ever. He left the game yesterday with a head injury and his Steelers eventually lost the game to the Falcons. Here’s a guy who was coming off a Super Bowl victory last year after having a great year in only his second year in the league. The sky was literally the limit.

But he insisted on taking risks with his life by riding a motorcycle without a helmet in the off-season and got into an accident. I don’t care if it’s the law or not in Pennsylvania, that’s really dumb to risk your future like that.

Dickie Z’s Pennsylvania Quickies:
You do not by law have to wear a helmet while riding a motorcycle. You cannot buy beer and wine in the same store in Pennsylvania, but you can buy beer at a drive-thru, commonly called “Beer-thrus” or “Let’s-keep-drinking-and-driving-all-night stores.” Truck-washes outnumber car-washes 2 to 1. (This last stat is only anecdotal)

Ever since his motorcycle accident he has just plain sucked. Now he’s starting to get concussions. And everyone knows that once you starting getting those, they keep coming back. And you keep sucking. See also: Fumble-King Kurt Warner.

Big Ben has ruined his career. He is done. I give him another 2 years or so of sub-par play before he’s out of the league. Nice move idiot, you were guaranteed millions of dollars a year for the next 10 years. Now you blew it and will probably wind up begging for Doritos on the streets in Pittsburgh’s Hill District.

Dickie Z’s Pittsburgh Quickies:
Regardless of the play from the QB spot in the Steelers – Falcons game yesterday, one thing is certain, the Steeler defense just isn’t any good this year. And that may be one of the big reasons for the Steeler’s slide this year. Pittsburgh allowed Michael Vick to throw for 226 yards and 4 touchdowns. Yes, that’s not a typo, I said 4 touchdowns. Thru the air. Either Vick has finally after 6 years matured as a competent NFL passer, or the Pittsburgh Steeler defense isn’t as good as everyone likes to think it is. This is going to be a long season for these guys. I hear a nickname coming, ahh yes… Shittsburgh.

What’s on tap for Monday Night, Giants at Cowboys
If Tiki can hold off retirement for a few more weeks and keep running for 130+ yard games, the Giants should be okay for awhile. The Giants pass defense is still awful, but luckily, so is Drew Bledsoe of the Cowboys. If the Cowboys get behind and the game is placed on Bledsoe’s shoulders, it could get messy.

I will say this though: Expect T.O. and Terry Glenn (T.G.) to light Sam Madison up for at least 18 receptions. With Sam Madison gone from the Dolphins, I’m surprised THEIR defense isn’t any better. I’m trying to think of a joke having to do with Madison, blown coverages and a $2 whore but I can’t think of one right now.

If Eli Kidding can stay out of desperate heaves of the ball on 3rd and long, he should have a decent night.

Dickie Z’s Eli Quickies:
Eli Kidding - While I love the Giants and I do actually bleed blue sometimes, I refuse to call this guy Eli MANning until he stops making that face. You know the one, that little kid face he makes after incompletes and interceptions. He looks like the kid who just had the top scoop of his chocolate ice-cream cone roll off the cone and onto the ground with a splat. At least he’s stepping into his throws this year, although the duck-to-spiral ratio is increasing again. Other usable names for Eli: “Peyton’s brother” and that “kid on the ESPN commercial that looks like Peyton.”

Until next time my friends.